OPINION PIECES------------------------------------------------------------ This document was written on 8/8/06, and last updated on Saturday 10/3/09, by James Jacobs of Amigan Software (amigansoftware@gmail.com). Additions and corrections are welcomed. Linux Faults Windows Faults Presentation Annoyances Crap NES Conversions Crap SMS Conversions LINUX FAULTS ------------ Why is several screens of what is effectively logfile output generated and shown whenever booting the system, scrolling past too fast to be useful in any event? Why not just output information about problems encountered? ./ to indicate the current directory? Why should this be necessary? This seems to defeat the purpose of a current directory, if you still need to prepend characters to it! Why is almost a full line worth of arguments needed to make commands such as ls give informative readable output? Why do Linux commands not display their templates? Why are they named so cryptically? grep, what the hell is that supposed to mean, why not just find? Why is / used both as a directory separator and to mean thes root directory? What is wrong with : for this? Why should I have to access a CD-ROM as /mnt/cdrom? ie. why are devices represented as directories? Why does Linux force a cryptic and archaic directory structure? Why should I have to log in to a single-user machine? Why is the GUI subsystem kludged on rather than being properly integrated? Why are many error messages not only obscure but simply wrong? Eg. if it doesn't want to run a command because it is too old, it says "command not found". Whereas it is of course found (the relevant file exists in the current directory), so clearly that is not the problem. So why not say what the real problem is, instead of lying about it? Why does software need to be compiled on the user's machine? Why is software not distributed in executable format as is the norm on every other platform? Source code should be made available in addition to, not instead of, executables. Compilation of software is responsibility of the developer, not of each user. Why should the job not be done once on one machine, rather than requiring it to be done potentially millions of times on millions of machines? The scripts supplied to build the exectuables fail to work correctly on most machines more times than not. This also requires users to have extra software (compilers, etc.) installed on their machines. Why does changing the configuration of the OS require recompiling the OS!? Why is every error message completely cryptic and unhelpful? Why are there literally dozens of different forks of UNIX, which are all mutually incompatible, and most of which are virtually unusable? How could this ever be regarded as a good thing? Why does the GPL allow for the selling of freeware for profit by leeches? And why is it considered acceptable to distribute software without source code? It is not in the interests of the entrenched Linux industry to make the OS more usable or friendly, as this would deprive them of their support revenue stream. This, and the selling of free software, are the only two significant ways in which these parasitic companies make profits. Windoze clearly sux, but compared with Linux it comes out miles ahead. At least Windoze installation and configuration is friendly and straightforward. With Linux, even once you it is supposedly installed it is still missing a GUI, compiler, etc., it doesn't even mount the CD-ROM! It is like trying to install Windoze and getting MS-DOS instead. It seems to be stuck in some kind of time warp. The Linux CLI is so unfriendly and powerless that is it just about useless. Eg. what would you expect Shift- Left to do? On most sensibly designed OSes, this would move the cursor left, generally to the start of the line. Not on Linux: instead it dumps a raw ANSI sequence into your command line. What fucking use is that to anyone? Oh, and it beeps at you as well, as though some kind of error has occured. Why are Linux text editors, eg. vi, so universally lame and unusable? It doesn't even support the backspace key for fuck's sake! If you are going to make your OS rely so heavily on ASCII configuration files, at least provide a decent editor for them. Even a straight port of MS-DOS EDIT would have been superior to this crap. And despite this, Linux is not even backwards-compatible, even with 100% system-legal software! I would rather use even GEOS or MS-DOS than this crap. It goes without saying that AmigaOS wipes the floor with either of these: it is fast, friendly, powerful, configurable, usable and compatible. Eg. echo `which metacity` > ~/.xinitrc && startx -- :1 Really user-friendly! There are dozens of issues that must be resolved in such ways. How is someone who has not previously used Linux is expected to know this? How is anyone supposed to become knowledgable enough in Linux to resolve these issues if they can't install it!? WINDOWS FAULTS -------------- Every successive version of Windows tends to become slower, more bloated, less compatible and more restrictive. Support of parallel and serial ports is being removed. These are straightforward ports; the amount of code required to support them is negligible. Are they trying to save a few bytes out of 15Gb? An outrage for users with hardware which is rendered useless by this pointless removal of basic functionality. Similarly, you can no longer use the internal IBM-PC speaker, you can no longer format 720K disks, you can no longer run in a 640x480 screenmode, you can no longer run in 256 colours, etc. Why, when such code has been present for years and is stable and functional? If you have a double density drive it is now effectively useless. Have their customers really asked them to degrade their OS and effectively render their hardware investments useless for no perceptible benefit? I doubt it. Product Activation: a waste of bandwidth, a punishment for buyers, an invasion of privacy, a security issue, an extra problem for standalone machines. Digital Restrictions Management: yet another reason why you would want to stay away from this. This is a deliberate policy of introducing arbitrary incompatibilities and bottlenecks for absolutely no benefit, denying users the ability to utilize and safeguard data freely. Why would anyone want this crap on their system? 15Gb for an OS!? 1Gb RAM for an OS!? How large does an OS kernal, drivers for connected hardware, GUI layer, TCP/IP stack, etc. need to be? What other crap do they need to be loading? Can't they check eg. how much memory is available before trying to load extraneous crap? Instead of just refusing to work at all if insufficient resources are available for everything? Microfilth seem bent on destroying the one reason anyone would have to want to use their crap OS; namely, the ability to natively run the vast existing library of IBM-PC software. Windows XP can't properly run most MS-DOS software. Supporting such software could not be difficult, as evidenced by the fact that eg. Windows 9x run the vast majority of these without issues. The compatibility wizard doesn't work for most programs and shouldn't be necessary anyway. OS/2 support has also been removed. Compare against eg. AmigaOS 3.9; a full OS with full compatibility with all standards-compliant Amiga software and hardware going back to 1985. At a size measured in the tens of megabytes at most. MS-DOS has been criticized in the past; Microfilth have decided to replace it with something that is just as ugly but lacks most of the functionality. Eg. the following commands have disappeared without explanation: DELTREE, CD..., DIR.EXE, etc. So now the CLI of Windows XP is less powerful than MS-DOS. Not only have Microfilth refused to release eg. security patches for known vulnerabilities in older versions of Windows, they have also refused to release information on these vulnerabilities to enable these vulnerabilities to be fixed by others. And, Microfilth have deliberately removed the ability of their development tools to generate standard Win32 binaries. Contrast with the Amiga situation, where every development tool is able to create binaries which will work on the full range of Amiga hardware and software. Microsoft has also deliberately removed applications, drivers etc. for older versions of Windows from their site, deliberately punishing users of these versions, for no apparent reason. There is a difference between something being unsupported, and existing correctly functioning applications, drivers and patches being taken down from a website as a vindictive and greedy act. It has also deliberately forbidden third parties, via threats of criminal prosecution, from distributing well-tested and useful support files, previously freeware, for versions of Windows considered to be "obsolete". Even if eg. Vista were actually good, it will nevertheless be quickly deemed obsolete by Microfilth and users will find that the new Windows will not support their current hardware, even less of their existing investment in Windows software will run on the new Windows, and woe betide them if they ever need to access Vista drivers, patches, API information, etc. And of course, any increase in the speed, RAM/mass storage capacity, etc. of the new computer that would likely be required to run their latest abomination would be swallowed up by the increased sluggishness and bloat of the new Windows. What else would you expect from a corporation which regards malware as desirable, eg. "Bonzi Buddy is an interactive character that helps you search the Web." All this and I have not even really addressed missing features, bugs programming annoyances, business practices, faults in other Microfilth software... PRESENTATION ANNOYANCES ----------------------- One wonders why most developers find it desirable to repeatedly annoy users by inserting forced delays into games. Almost every game, from the mid-late 1980s onwards (and some older games), across virtually every platform, is guilty of this to an extent, and it is completely unnecessary. Aren't loading times a necessary annoyance? So why have these additional delays, as a further (unnecessary) annoyance? Some developers seem under the impression that they are making movies rather than games. Whilst annoying enough in movies, at least such "credit sequences" can be fast forwarded, and movies are generally watched only a few times. You are forced to watch these annoying sequences every time you load the game. The only reason I can find for these sequences is the inflated ego of the developer and complete lack of playtesting. It is not as though such screens are worthwhile to watch even once let alone at every loading of the game. The ideal design for most games would seem to be a single combined title/ options screen. If the player wants to see the introduction, they should be able to do so from this title/options screen. Similar annoyances can also be manifested by delays when losing men (eg. Penetrator for TRS-80) or at game over (eg. Shadow of the Beast for Amiga). Here are some examples of Gameboy Advance games exhibiting these faults: For example, "Konami Collector's Series: Arcade Advance" has three loading screens, all unskippable, all of which have fade-ins and fade-outs (approx. 11 seconds total), then a fade-in, then an intro which must be clicked past, then a fade-out, then a fade-in, then a title screen which must be clicked past, then a fade-out, then a fade-in, then the game selection screen, then a fade-out, then a title screen for the game which must be clicked past, then a "game mode" selector, then a fade-out, then a fade-in to the actual start of the game. The quickest that it is possible to start a game is approx. 15 seconds. For a single game of a coin-op conversion with a 3-minute average game length, this is 1/13th of the total time. "Crazy Taxi: Catch a Ride" has four loading screens, all unskippable (approx. 27 seconds total), then a title screen, then an options screen, then the "game rules" screen, then a city selection screen, then a driver selection screen, then a forced delay while a sample is played, then a loading screen, then another forced delay while a sample is played, then you can actually play. All screens have fade-ins and fade-outs. The quickest that it is possible to start a game is approx. 45 seconds. CRAP CONVERSIONS ---------------- The reference systems used to compare these games against are generally the coin-op original, Commodore 64 and Commodore Amiga versions. In most cases the hardware of the NES/SMS is capable of supporting a decent conversion; most of what follows is simply bad programming and bad design. CRAP NES CONVERSIONS -------------------- 720 Degrees: What was wrong with the original title screen? Whenever a car drives "behind" the status panel it flickers. You can be knocked over by frisbees which are not even close to your character. The downhill is extremely short, it seems like the bottom three quarters of it was removed. The jump and slalom are even shorter. The graphics and music are awful. Archon: What happened to the selectable difficulty levels and the cyborg option? All the pieces are monochrome: light brown and dark brown. Even pieces from opposing sides use the same "light brown and dark brown" colour scheme! Not only are they despicably ugly, but it makes it more difficult to tell the two sides apart. In combat mode, the brightly-hued background makes it more difficult to tell where the combatants are, especially on a handheld. An annoying tune drones on throughout; there doesn't seem to be a way of turning this off. Arkanoid 1: The playing area is only eleven bricks wide. But, even worse, you have unlimited lives. Yes, that is correct. Another glorious triumph of the Nintendo quality assurance department. I know that most NES gamers are not very skilled but even so...! Arkanoid 2: You start at the end of the game, ie. fighting Doh. What the fuck!? Bard's Tale 1: Cut down beyond belief. Every other version, even the Spectrum version, of this game had the full city to explore. The interface is awful. Bionic Commando: What the fuck!? What is all this "PLEASE INSTRUCT US" crap? It was never in the coin-op or any other version. Why do these NES developers always think they can "improve" a game by fucking it up? Also, the rope controls are pathetic; it appears, for example, that it is no longer possible to lengthen and shorten the rope as desired whilst swinging on it. Where is the first level, looks like it has been omitted? Cabal: This would probably be alright if not for the controls. The game only seems to let you throw a grenade when it feels like doing so. Seems to be some esoteric combination. Why the other button was used for rolling instead of grenade throwing is very questionable. Defender of the Crown: The title music has been butchered; the timing and notes have been changed, it sounds terrible. Why was this done? To buy soldiers, you cannot just move the cursor to the appropriate row and move left or right, you must first press the button to select it. Then after the left/right moving, you must again press the button to deselect it before you can do anything else. Why!? Then, when you do press the button to deselect, the cursor jumps to catapults. (!) The cursor also moves at an excessively fast speed. Unlike every other version, the lands are not coloured to represent their ruler; instead, small shield glyphs are used which clutter the screen and do not such an instant appraisal of the state of play. The graphics are laughable, much worse than on the Commodore 64 version, for example. The animation on the horses is terrible, and the dismounted knights look like stick figures. Donkey Kong: Why are there only three levels? Even TRS-80 clones of this game have all four levels. Ripped off. People are expected to pay $30 for this exact same crap game on the GBA? Still with only three levels? Double Dragon: What happened to the famous title music? You do hear a mangled version of it throughout playing the game though. The sprites rather short and fat and don't look convincingly like those from the Amiga version, for example. The players are orange-pink. The game can decide to suddenly speed up to many times normal speed, where enemies will strike you several times per second; this was never in the coin-op or any other conversions. Sometimes your weapon will just disappear for no apparent reason, even if you were holding it. The whip looks like a cane when it is used. The elbow attack seems to have disappeared. Dragon Ninja: The player has only two frames of animation for moving. The introductory text has been changed needlessly. Gauntlet: The characters move faster than their thrown weapons do! That is, you can actually move through your own weapon without taking damage or stopping the weapon. The speed of character movement is much too fast. The exits are coloured blue instead of black for no good reason. The treasure chests are rendered using just three different shades of brown and no other colours. Ghosts are the wrong colour (blue). Monster generators can be destroyed just by touching them. The level number is not displayed in the corner with the other status information but rather is lower on the screen and horizontally centred. The levels are not the same as those from the coin-op. There are strange but pointless information screens between each level. All the speech from the coin-op is missing. Heroes of the Lance: "Raise the Perished"? What the fuck is this? There is no such spell in any version of D&D/AD&D. Last Ninja 2: You can see that this is crap immediately. Even the title screen is wrong; it proclaims "The Last Ninja" but the game is in fact Last Ninja 2. The graphics are very ugly, much plainer than the detailed graphics of the C64 version. As usual, the music has been stripped out and replaced with awful crap. The controls have also been changed for the worse for no apparent reason. Censorship has been applied; eg. the juggler's knives are now bowling pins. Lode Runner: The graphics have been ruined. Also, you can no longer see the entire level at a glance; instead, the level scrolls about horizontally. Despite this, the levels are still cut-down smaller versions of the proper equivalents. Maniac Mansion: The music has been stripped out and replaced with something bloody awful. The Nintendo censorship department has also been hard at work stripping out half the game and replacing it with crap. See, for example, http://www.crockford.com/wrrrld/maniac.html MULE: The graphics are horrible. The town, which used to be a single screen, has now been changed to a needlessly scrolling affair which slows down and annoys the player for no benefit. Pirates!: All the coastlines are square. The graphics are the worst of any version. The swordfighting has been ruined. Sometimes you lose gold and/or men for no apparent reason. Spy Hunter: The game runs at an unplayably fast speed, easily triple that of any other version; there is no reaction time to deal with oncoming troubles. Ultima 3-5: What the fuck? I really don't know what the programmers were on when they decided to inflict these. Rather than doing straight ports, they have opted to royally fuck these games up, stripping the atmospheric graphics and music and replacing them with crap. The interfaces are annoying in the extreme. Untouchables, The: The entire first level, at least, seems to have disappeared. So apparently they have cut out the good parts and left in only the bad parts. Winter Games: Where is Biathlon? Where is Ski Jump? There is a poorly animated introductory sequence whenever the game is booted, the first half of which is unskippable. Commendations for New Zealand Story. CRAP SMS CONVERSIONS -------------------- Bomb Jack: Hm, square bombs, what the fuck? The graphics on this are truly awful. Flapping your arms hardly slows you down at all. There is no slowdown as you reach the top of your leap. Hang On 2: There is absolutely no sense of speed, even at 295kph. To change up a gear, you have to push down, and vice versa. HERO: They have decided to redraw all the graphics, with disastrous results. Marble Madness: You can choose from two rather lame controller orientations. The "diagonal" one has its top axis pointing up-left rather than up-right, for some absolutely insane reason. Montezuma's Revenge: Before you can start playing, you have to watch some gay intro sequence. The graphics have been redrawn, losing all the charm of the original. The levels have been altered for no good reason. Wonderboy: It's now impossible to jump high enough to collect most of the objects. This fact seems to have completely escaped the playtesters. World Games: Where is Cliff Diving? If you must cut events, surely the crap ones are what should be cut. Commendations for R-Type. END OF DOCUMENT-----------------------------------------------------------